Recovering and making plans

I have been ill for over a week now with what started as a little cough and a sore throat and then developed into an acute bronchitis so irritating and painful that for a day or two I lost the will to live. While I was unable to do much else than think, all kinds of fears started to take over, like: 'Am I really crazy to believe I can build this cottage? On my own? How is it all going to happen, practically? Time-wise, money-wise, health-wise? I am just a silly dreamer with no building skills...' Listening to all this nonsense floating inside my head, I finally ended up sticking my head deep into some inspirational books; trying to flush out the negative thoughts, because that's all they are, thoughts.

Yesterday I got a course of antibiotics from my GP and am slowly starting to feel better. I only have about two and half weeks before I fly to Finland to stand on the land where I am intending to build next year. And by then I want to have some plans, some drawings, not just to show my parents but also myself. I want to be able to sit down on the ground, close my eyes, meditate on the smells, sounds and sights and see the cottage as it will be standing around me, in a year's time. So that whatever feels right, I will put in the plans and whatever doesn't feel right, I will take off. And then I will get the shovel and start digging....

Waiting for my own recovery and spending too much time in front of the computer, I discovered about The Meadow Orchard Project in Haringey, North London. They run all kinds of environmental courses for the community and are also building an eco-hut on their premises with cob and straw bales. As it happens, for the next two weekends they are running eco-build courses, so I am intending to volunteer this coming Saturday for their project, which will be a great opportunity for me to help a community as well as learn more cob-building skills and gain invaluable insight into my own project. I may even take my son along to do some mud dancing...

I will be adding sketches and blueprints for my cottage here soon, even though they are bound to change in the coming months. However, I still feel it's interesting for me and for others to see the entire process of the project, from some random thoughts to actually making something touchable. After a dark week, I am  starting to see light at the end of the tunnel - my spirit is hearing the beating of my heart more than the fearful mutterings of my mind. I just have to follow my heart and go with the gut feeling, because as always, it never lies.